Why Do Men Love Kettlebells?

I was talking to a female fitness instructor I know today and she gave me her take on why kettlebells have become so popular among male fitness enthusiasts in recent years. My friend didn’t put what she was saying in the words I’m about to use, but the crux of her argument was that doing the key kettlebell exercise – the swing – was the closest a guy could get to having sex in a gym. The swing is all about hip thrust and thus resembles male movement in penetrative sex! My friend’s take on the kettlebell swing was that it was a good exercise since it raised the heart rate and used many different muscles, but that you could do it just as effectively with a dumbbell.
Moving on, a year or so ago there were dozens of TV and video parodies of people using shake weights – since those exercising with them looked as if they were masturbating. Now I’m wondering why given the similarity between kettlebell swings and humping there aren’t dozens of YouTube piss-takes of this exercise? Perhaps  today’s video generation is repressed and just feels more at home with jerking off… Or maybe the fact that the kettlebell swing is an effective exercise, whereas scientific research indicates that the claims made for the shake weight are nonsense, means parodies are less attractive? On the other hand if the world was just waiting for someone to point out in public the similarities between the kettlebell swing and penetrative sex, once this blog is posted perhaps the web will be flooded with videos riffing on this elective affinity to comic effect. It would certainly be interesting to see how macho proponents of kettlebell use – such as Pavel Tsatsouline – responded to parody videos (or whether they just ignored such a phenomena).
And while you’re at it don’t forget to check – www.stewarthomesociety.org – you know it makes (no) sense!


Comment by Lucy Johnson on 2012-11-02 08:09:31 +0000

I did Kettlebells with an instructor for a while. He was lovely and I really enjoyed the exercise. Whether any of the above is true he and I were certainly well on it!

Comment by The Man in the Iron Mask on 2012-11-02 08:57:20 +0000

To adapt a line of Arvo Part’s: the whole of Western music aspires to the sound of a kettlebell. But it must be live, never recorded because Sibelius said that listening to music in this form was like sleeping with a photograph of Brigitte Bardot. So get get into the ktichen and rattle those pots and pans – and of course head for the gym and make sweet music with your kettlebells. Me, I’d rather stay at home, eat kettlechips and listen to King Tubby’s sonic adventures in dub – ah, the sound of dub bells….

Comment by Westworld on 2012-11-02 17:21:24 +0000

There’s nothing like hanging a weight off you bellend to give it a bit of stretch – but most kettlebells are a bit too heavy for that!

Comment by Maria Pérez-Pujazón on 2012-11-02 18:31:59 +0000

I don’t know of kettlebells but I find the Hawaii Chair funny.

Comment by Lil Johnson on 2012-11-02 19:19:37 +0000

Whatever rings your bell – press my button, ring my bell!

Comment by The Secret ‘Lemonade’ Drinker on 2012-11-02 22:28:32 +0000

The only bells I’m interested in is Bell’s Blended Scotch Whisky.

Comment by Freaky Finlay on 2012-11-02 23:41:57 +0000

I like my bellends dipped in Bell’s! My boyfriends like my bellend dipped in Bell’s too! You cannae whack it or rather you can and there’s nothing like being whacked off! Ring a ding!

Comment by Soylent Greene on 2012-11-03 00:07:30 +0000

Bell End is a village in the English county of Worcestershire. It is situated approximately 3 kilometres (1.9 mi) south-east of Hagley on the A491, north of Bromsgrove and close to Kidderminster, Stourbridge and Halesowen. It lies in the local government district of Bromsgrove.
On the western side of the village is Bell House, a Victorian gothic mansion on the site of the original manor house. It was built in 1847 for Charles Noel, later a High Sheriff of Worcestershire, by the architect Edward Smith of Oldswinford.

Comment by Maria Pérez-Pujazón on 2012-11-03 00:31:14 +0000

it’s quite amazing how porn looks everyday more like sport training while gyms get more pornographic.

Comment by mistertrippy on 2012-11-03 01:52:16 +0000

Yes soon there will be no difference between sport and porn – and then we can all get into sport!

Comment by Soylent Greene on 2012-11-03 22:19:46 +0000

Watch it or you’ll end up with a bad case of the kettlebell enthusiast calling your pothead fitness instructor barking….

Comment by Kettlebell Master on 2012-11-03 23:53:04 +0000

Once you’ve mastered the kettlebell swing you’ll prefer jerking yourself off to having sex with a real live woman!

Comment by Lucy Johnson on 2012-11-04 07:51:10 +0000


Comment by Robert Johnson on 2012-11-04 16:21:55 +0000

I went to the crossroads at midnight and sold my soul to the devil in exchange for mastery of the kettlebell swing!

Comment by Amadeo Bordiga on 2012-11-04 18:47:03 +0000

Better to meet a white bearded man in the library at midnight and promise him to defend Marx against all revision and to stand up for the invariance of the theory of the proletariat!

Comment by Soylent Greene on 2012-11-04 22:25:35 +0000

Never forget the classic Shaw Brothers movie “Bells Of Death” – to avenge the murder of his family and the abduction of his sister by three brigands a young man undertakes a relentless search while perfecting his ighting skills. eventually with the help of a pretty young girl he locates the brigands infiltrates their gang and exects his revenge in a final confrontation.

Comment by Fitness Flick on 2012-11-04 23:26:45 +0000

Forget kettlebells, stretch bands are the best exercise aid ever!

Comment by Mandingo on 2012-11-05 15:01:55 +0000

Forget Bells of Death coz Samuai Death Bells takes us much further into Ed Wood territory – “The incomprehensible drama in Samurai Death Bells involves a lot of cliche clan mumbo-jumbo. Dragon is scheduled to fight Phoenix. Phoenix has died so Dragon will fight her student. (I appreciate the prominence of kick-ass female fighters in the film, if nothing else.) Off-screen, however, the new Phoenix apparently bests Dragon, leaving one of his sons to take over (skipping the obvious heir, thanks to his wimpiness.) The new Dragon, however, discovers that his father had been hiding a secret: He had been protecting a woman known as the Cold Blooded Mistress, an unpopular lass who was thought long dead but had been hiding in the false bottom of Dragon’s coffin (which is apparently made of styrofoam.) Together they run around fighting lots of people (including Dragon’s weirdly incestuous siblings) and doing all sorts of other nonsense.”

Comment by Miss Whiplash on 2012-11-06 03:15:45 +0000

Kettlebells? What men really love are love handles, they’re just afraid to admit it – but real men dig curves!

Comment by The Man in the Iron Mask on 2012-11-06 16:56:28 +0000

Curveballs to you!

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