No matter what the original topic of my posts, sooner or later those commenting on them get back to the same old things they always want to talk about. Here are 10 topics I rarely dissect, examine, rehash or argue over but that spammers just can’t leave alone:
- Penis enlargement. When you’re a swinging big dick like me you just don’t need penis enlargement, and nor do any of my readers about half of whom don’t have cocks anyway because they’re female.
- How to monetise your blog. If those offering these services were able to monetise their own blogs they’d be doing that rather than trying to scam me out of dosh by offering to teach me how to become an “internet millionaire”. This always brings to mind that old saying: “Those that can do. Those that can’t teach.”
- Girls tutus. Sorry but I’m not thinking of taking up ballet any time soon – and even if I might look ‘cute’ in a tutu I very much doubt they’re being sold in my size.
- Zune versus iPod. If I’d wanted a Zune I’d have bought one and wouldn’t be using the iPod that I didn’t buy but was given.
- Free porn sites. When Argos started selling glass kettles I’m told they used the strap-line ‘watch your water boil’ in their catalogue but dropped this sales pitch when they found it didn’t work. Now not even free porn sites can get viewers – but let’s not bother to discuss that.
- Viagra. Chances are this is actually fake Viagra but either way I don’t need a pill to give me an erection – all I need to do to get a hard-on is look in a mirror!
- SEO. I need search engine optimisation like a hole in the head! If this site becomes any more popular I’m gonna have to pay for a more expensive hosting service!
- Discounted medicine. You may be sick but I’m not!
- Replica watches. There’s a clock on my mobile phone and they will be clocks on the phones all my reader have too.
- Add Facebook friends/Twitter followers. I’ve got more online friends than I can deal with already, and since I’m against any and all forms of leadership I certainly don’t want followers.
I also, of course, get plenty of spam comments about topics ranging from laser measuring equipment to top quality wielding, and from diets to low cost bondsmen in the USA – not to mention cut price designers and cheap farmland for sale in Canada, and special offers on designer clothes and private investigators offering forensic services. And I don’t want to discuss any of these things either!
And while you’re at it don’t forget to check – www.stewarthomesociety.org – you know it makes (no) sense!
Comment by Dirty Fiona Optimization on 2012-08-04 16:17:25 +0000
There are 37,272 comments in your spam queue right now.
Comment by kent perry on 2012-08-04 16:47:01 +0000
Particulaly like the line about looking in the mirror if i want a hard on but then I have a small mirror
Comment by Editore on 2012-08-04 17:39:52 +0000
You’d look great in a tutu!
Comment by Alex ‘Licks’ Nipple on 2012-08-04 18:06:00 +0000
Editore is tutu much!
Comment by Catherine Lupin on 2012-08-04 19:29:39 +0000
Those spam bores also post bullshit comments like this:
“A powerful combination to ensure success is having the vision of an eagle and the heart of a lion. The only difference between success and failure is the ability to take action.”
So don’t forget that taking action can result failure as well as success…. Indeed past results are no guarantee of future outcomes!
Comment by spa on 2012-08-04 20:06:42 +0000
Keep on spamming!
Comment by Lucy Johnson on 2012-08-04 21:08:19 +0000
Comment by g on 2012-08-04 21:59:23 +0000
Duplicate comment detected; it looks as though you’ve already said that!
Comment by Mac The Flash on 2012-08-04 22:38:48 +0000
I thought Argos was a free porn site until I read this blog!
Comment by Editore on 2012-08-04 22:40:48 +0000
Are you copying and pasting comments from your fb account again?
Comment by mistertrippy on 2012-08-04 23:53:49 +0000
Not doing it yet but that’s a good idea! Kent Perry and co. know I prefer comments straight on here… Lucy Johnson is really good for that too – but she ain’t commented anywhere yet, but then it’s Saturday night so she’s probably out dancing and partying somewhere!
Comment by Maria Pérez-Pujazón on 2012-08-05 00:11:03 +0000
yes, there was a bit of self-boycott in this post. Don´t know but I’m still laughing…
Comment by Tim Harford on 2012-08-05 00:42:51 +0000
Why always 10 things in these list blogs? Why not 12 or 25 or 100?
Comment by Lucy Johnson on 2012-08-05 06:42:56 +0000
I was having dinner with the gorgeous Flavia actually!
Comment by mistertrippy on 2012-08-05 08:23:29 +0000
Thanks Lucy – and actually you had commented even if only briefly…. Sometimes I reply to people in a rush and as I’m doing several different posts at once don’t check all the earlier comments properly….
@ Tim Harford – 10 is a nice round metric number, 5 is usually too few and 12 invokes old imperial measures and more than that is usually too many.
Comment by Klondike Pete on 2012-08-05 14:45:28 +0000
Cheap famrland in Canada sounds great – there’s black gold in them there hills!
Comment by Mac Guy on 2012-08-05 16:49:14 +0000
Comment by Dolly Urination on 2012-08-05 18:07:04 +0000
I’d like to watch my water boil – the waters in my bladder!
Comment by Ben Gray on 2012-08-05 20:08:52 +0000
No one’s talking about holiday’s in Florida.
Comment by mistertrippy on 2012-08-05 22:07:10 +0000
Nothing means nothing anymore!
Comment by bullshitdetector on 2012-08-06 07:02:36 +0000
Hi Callam, do you think you could post a pic of your large swinging penis? just to verify that you’re not making it all up as you go along. Try and make it swing, even though it will be caught in trapped light, better still post on youtube, at least we’ll be able to watch it swing. Your no.1 fan, Edna Welthorpe.
Comment by Edna Welthorpe on 2012-08-06 08:13:18 +0000
BTW I’ve had words with Joe on the astral plane, and I’ve told him in very certain terms that I will not use that disgraceful made up name anymore. He of course is having the time of his (after) life, the cottaging scene is still going strong on the astral, lucky for him the 80s never happened up there. Looking forward to the pics, your no.1 fan, Edna Welthorpe.
Comment by mistertrippy on 2012-08-06 14:24:58 +0000
You need to subscribe to my Ultimate Forex Club to see pictures of my big swinging dick – and at only one hundred thousand grand for an annual subscription it is a real bargain! It provides individual traders access to online forex trading. My service also offers professional charting, expert market research and commentary – and the chance to see my nude pictures!
Comment by Lucy Johnson on 2012-08-07 06:27:09 +0000
We can’t contain ourselves! Do you accept Paypal?
Comment by mistertrippy on 2012-08-07 20:17:39 +0000
Yeah Paypal, Mastercard, Visa, American Express, but cash is still the best!