10 Reasons To Get Rid Of All Your Printed Books!

  1. Once your book collection runs into double figures it takes up too much space and due to its weight is a drag to cart it around if you move!
  2. Most books aren’t worth the paper they are printed on!
  3. Plastic bottles filled with liquid make for better improvised weights than books. With bottles you can add water or pour it out to adjust the weight; and they are a much better shape (fairly close to a dumbbell) for working out with!
  4. Printed books are so last century and having a collection of them makes you even sadder than a vinyl fetishist!
  5. They’re a dust trap – so get rid of them if you don’t want to be sneezed at!
  6. Most people will interpret whatever books you have visible in your pad as evidence of your poor taste (although their judgements on this score may or may not be right)!
  7. Most of your reference needs are better served by the internet!
  8. Old books often smell of damp!
  9. A two-handed wank is better than a one-handed read!
  10. Pulitzer Prize-winning novelist Richard Russo numbers among those who’ve refused to allow their recent novels to be sold as e-books. Anyone who has won the Pulitzer Prize isn’t worth reading; and if those who make the mistake of writing something that ‘merits’ such an award are horrified by the demise of the printed book then it is definitely worth dumping (on) them!
    And while you’re at it don’t forget to check – www.stewarthomesociety.org – you know it makes (no) sense!


Comment by Tim Beckett on 2012-06-29 15:13:07 +0000

Hi Stewart,
Recently forced to collect, condense and drag down part of my book collection from Toronto to NY, I have to agree with you, sort of. Who can afford to move or ship books? Who can afford to move or ship vinyl? Still, e-books have a way to go before they rival books – novels in particular – in terms of enjoyment. The Kindle still has a textbook/ news article look and feel to it . . .

Comment by mistertrippy on 2012-06-29 15:24:44 +0000

I get sent a lot of books – coz people want me to provide blurbs for them, plug them or review them – and most I have to pass on after reading either to friends or the charity shop/thrift store. I agree with you reading a printed book is still on the whole a better experience than reading an e-book, but I don’t have the space to store all the stuff I’m sent for free….. A big book collection is a real dead weight… and like you say shipping large numbers of books or records is extremely expensive.

Comment by Colm Carty on 2012-06-29 15:30:01 +0000

That’s me finished in hip society. I like printed books and vinyl.

Comment by Michael Roth on 2012-06-29 15:31:15 +0000

I totally agree with point #7, especially since my reference needs happen to be fetish porn.

Comment by Paul Johnson on 2012-06-29 15:31:59 +0000

Vinyl is good.

Comment by mistertrippy on 2012-06-29 15:34:07 +0000

Vinyl is good if you wanna have bass in your face but it takes up a lot of space… And I’m having a laugh – as is Mike Roth… I really dig the way he’s picked up on point 7!

Comment by Clayton Littlewood on 2012-06-29 15:35:34 +0000

  1. A two-handed wank is better than a one-handed read!

Comment by mistertrippy on 2012-06-29 15:38:21 +0000

It sure is – glad you’re bringing peoples attention to that important point as it kinda chimes with what Mike Roth says above about point 7. And I was thinking about that when I wrote this – i.e. if you look at porn on a computer you can have a two-handed wank more easily than if you’re looking at a porno book!

Comment by Christopher Nosnibor on 2012-06-29 18:46:37 +0000

Mmmm, damp: my favourite aroma……

Comment by John Knox on 2012-06-29 21:39:07 +0000

And dust is a useful reminder of our own mortality…. not to mention the fact that a home without a printed edition of The Bible isn’t worthy of being called a home!

Comment by Alex Dipple on 2012-06-29 22:27:20 +0000

Ha ha! Better than wallpaper though. A shelf of books, I mean
And double handed wank… somehow if we women were to talk about our masturbatory techniques everyone would call us weird, exhibitionist, diffucult. haha Thanks Stewy.

Comment by Christopher Nosnibor on 2012-06-29 22:38:52 +0000

As a vinyl fetishist with many many hundreds of books, I’m so sad I’m cool, right? You can’t prop a door open / raise the height of your speakers (to better listen to vinyl) / build a fort with an ereader…

Comment by mistertrippy on 2012-06-29 22:45:28 +0000

But I use my dumbbells to prop open doors (which is why I use water filled bottles as improvised weights) and I prop my laptop up on a Micromark Fan Heater (still in the box)……

Comment by John C. Goodman on 2012-06-29 23:03:55 +0000

Oh, I dunno, print books are useful for when the battery in your ereader dies and you need something to read while it’s charging.

Comment by Gavin Everall on 2012-06-29 23:36:35 +0000

I’m not laughing. Books are out!

Comment by Grub Street on 2012-06-30 00:03:44 +0000

If I get rid of my printed books is it okay to keep my unpublished manuscripts?

Comment by Bunny on 2012-06-30 04:53:54 +0000


Comment by Al Brown on 2012-06-30 22:41:20 +0000

Do you know where I can get rid of my printed books – I tried to give them to a charity shop but they said they weren’t accepting donations of books!

Comment by Johnny Rubbish on 2012-07-01 00:43:14 +0000

Try giving your unwanted books to your local dustman!

Comment by Maurice Johnson on 2012-07-01 12:47:38 +0000

Surely the first point should actually read: “Once your book collection runs into double figures you’re an egghead.”

Comment by Lucy Johnson on 2012-07-03 15:35:55 +0000

I have absolutely no books in my new flat. It feels brilliant!

Comment by Lucy Johnson on 2012-07-03 15:37:42 +0000

But I wouldn’t be functioning without iPad, phone, lap top etc etc.

Comment by mistertrippy on 2012-07-03 22:49:59 +0000

Modern technology does make it easier to save space. Trust you’re settling in nicely at your new pad!

Comment by Michael Roth on 2012-07-09 04:38:21 +0000

I can do a two-handed wank and a one-handed read at the same time! I won’t reveal this technique right now. You’ll have to wait for the video!

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