10 Reasons Not To Enlarge Your Penis

  1. You’re a woman – you ain’t got one!
  2. You already have an erection!
  3. As far as most women are concerned (and many men too) it isn’t size that counts but what you can do with it!
  4. Scientific research suggests that silicon impants are dangerous – and simply ingesting herbs doesn’t work!
  5. Adding three inches to your donger would make your balls look distressingly small by way of comparison!
  6. You’re already a complete dick so you don’t need to make yourself a bigger one!
  7. A small blood sausage is easier to swallow (a variation on the small is beautiful argument)!
  8. Herbal remedies are a rip-off – why waste your money?
    9.. Too great a fixation on genital size and pleasure is phallocentric and will result in most women (and many men) viewing you as a complete cock!
  9. If you really want to reclaim your manhood then you’ve got to learn to love it just the way it is!
    And while you’re at it don’t forget to check – www.stewarthomesociety.org – you know it makes (no) sense!


Comment by Betty Boolean on 2011-12-25 12:31:47 +0000

Also huge shlongs cause global warming

Comment by mistertrippy on 2011-12-25 13:00:04 +0000

And they’re ugly!

Comment by Johnny Wadd on 2011-12-25 13:53:15 +0000

You forgot to mention that if you already got a monster donger you don’t need to enlarge it!

Comment by Quiet Riot Girl on 2011-12-25 15:26:42 +0000

‘9.. Too great a fixation on genital size and pleasure is phallocentric and will result in most women (and many men) viewing you as a complete cock!’
I am not sure about this one. As a woman, brought up by 1970s feminists, I have become very suspicious of feminist cries of ‘phallocentricity’. I think they are used to dismiss men, their sexuality, and their members. It’s interesting how feminism laid into Freud, in a way that, to a cynical eye, could be interpreted as ‘penis envy’ on a grand scale. I am not a ‘size queen’ myself, but the very notion of the cock as beautiful seems to have been denied by feminism.
Brought to you by too much Christmas pudding and not enough Chablis

Comment by Doc Benway on 2011-12-25 15:43:24 +0000

The only effective way to lengthen a penis is to cut underneath the body end. Essentially this is a form of mutilation and the penis will be no bigger when errect – if you can still get it erect. But it will apppear bigger visually – although not actually be any bigger – when flaccid. You are likely to experience orgasm problems after this operation. But I can perform it wth a rusty tin can lid. The germ theory is a nonsense!

Comment by Osho on 2011-12-25 16:24:30 +0000

Small ones are the juiciest!

Comment by mistertrippy on 2011-12-25 17:47:53 +0000

I’m a big fan of tangerines and cox’s orange pippins too – both of which are relatively small as far as that kind of fruit goes.
@ Quiet Riot Girl – I can see your point but I don’t think being against phallocracy means you have to view male genitals as ugly – personally I find them pretty cute! And my problem with a lot of 1970s anti-freudianism is that it didn’t go far enough – but then when I say this I’m thinking of things like Anti-Oedipus (1972) by Gilles Deleuze and Félix Guattari as much as feminist texts.

Comment by Quiet Riot Girl on 2011-12-25 18:39:33 +0000

I haven’t read Anti Oedipus.
I just don’t trust feminist anti-Freud anti-phallus rhetoric.
Take femininity – feminists seem to think that in order to liberate feminine identities we have to examine them, celebrate them, make pottery mock -up vaginas and put them in art galleries.
But their reaction to masculinity is to negate it, reduce it, ask for it to be not seen. Not talked about except in negative terms.
Which I think leads to things like this, from a ‘feminist’ gay man, with the headline: ‘Oh, Put It Away!’

Comment by Neville Brody on 2011-12-25 18:54:29 +0000

When I want to enlarge my manhood I do it in photoshop after posing for the picture!

Comment by SH on 2011-12-25 19:10:16 +0000

I’ve got a friend who’s a famous porn star. had he not had a such a huge dong maybe he would have done something else with his life… but I think his only regret is that he made so little money from it…

Comment by mistertrippy on 2011-12-25 21:25:47 +0000

I don’t think male porn stars ever made much from it – but no one does these days…. so much is around for free!
@ Quiet Riot Girl – sorry maybe I’ve been drinking too much today but I can’t follow the thread of your argument across these comments. As far as I can see Freud would agree with Paul Burston for the following reasons. One of the few things I think Freud got right is his explanation of why kiddie fiddling is unacceptable. Basically there is such an imbalance in power relationships in our society that children cannot consent to sex with adults and obviously only consensual sex is acceptable (rape isn’t). Since voyeurism is also a sexual kink that can be done with and without consent, what Burston is in effect describing is kids being forced into acting as voyeurs – so he seems to be with Freud on this one. Also so many of the seventies feminist texts I’ve read have been Freudian, and I’m also unaware of any particularly substantial anti-Freudian current in 1970s feminism, that I wonder who you’re referring too when you talk about this…. You should understand that I don’t see followers of Reich, Adler, Jung, Klein or Lacan as anti-Freudian…. (indeed one of my problems with Deleuze and Guattari is they fail to make enough of a break with Freud).

Comment by Michael Roth on 2011-12-25 21:49:24 +0000

I’m sorry, but you have not provided enough good reasons. Not with my inbox filled with emails from helpful people giving my reasons why I should! And with all of the money I will be getting from a bank in Nigeria …

Comment by Quiet Riot Girl on 2011-12-25 21:54:31 +0000

and I haven’t been drinking enough!
I really really hope Freud wouldn’t agree with Paul Burston about anything though.

Comment by mistertrippy on 2011-12-25 21:58:51 +0000

There are bound to be a few things Freud and Burston agree about. I’m not into Freud at all but I can’t avoid agreeing with the odd thing he said. That’s just the way it goes!
@ Michael Roth – what about reason 11? Instead of spending your money on your dick, why not send it to me so I can really focus on churning out even more avant-garde pornography?

Comment by Quiet Riot Girl on 2011-12-25 22:24:10 +0000

LOL If you’re not into Freud than I’m not going to listen to a word you say about penises. He is the master when it comes to them! 😀
merry christmas anyway. I’ll still read your books you should put your latest on kindle…

Comment by Dr Freudenstein on 2011-12-25 23:34:18 +0000

If you call your family jewels Percy and think of him as a pet then you’re unlikely to let a plastic surgeon anywhere near your penis because you’ll think of your cock as your best friend!

Comment by Kevin Callan on 2011-12-26 01:30:51 +0000

Stewart Home thinks he’s a big swinging dick – but actually he’s just a big prick!

Comment by The Nude Groover on 2011-12-26 02:22:54 +0000

Try skinny dipping in a cool water – your cock will shrink, but when it gets back to normal size as you warm up imagine it is bigger than before you went for your swim!

Comment by mistertrippy on 2011-12-26 16:37:33 +0000

Thaks for that – but I usually only skinny dip in the summer….
@ Kevin Callan – you make me sound like a schizophrenic groove sensation!

Comment by Penis Envy on 2011-12-26 18:11:56 +0000

If you have a boyfriend with a large penis then he can use it to enlarge your anus!

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