How does Stewart Home maintain his lavish life-style?

A question I’ve been asked a number of times recently is how do I maintain my lavish life-style? The answer is simple, my life-style isn’t particularly lavish but many people find me so fascinating that they project their fantasies onto an image they create of me. It should go without saying that if you know your way around the place, then London can be a very cheap town in which to live.  I very much doubt I could survive as easily in New York or Paris, although someone born in those places may be able to do so. However, to satisfy those who dislike rational explanations I shall add that I have multiple personalities that run into six figures and each one of them earns a living in a different way – some as gangsters, others rob banks, one has been bleeding a hedge fund dry, and all of them earn me a fortune as I sleep! You too could be making money as you shower, but to do so you need to buy all my books and read them carefully so that you can decipher the coded messages they contain. Hot tip: the coded messages only manifest themselves to those who buy my books, so borrowing them from a library or a friend just won’t work!
And while you’re at it don’t forget to check – – you know it makes (no) sense!


Comment by Tim on 2009-11-13 13:39:50 +0000

I’m curious to know how London could be a cheap town. Pray, do tell! Although I suppose I could say the same about New York – although possibly the New York of a few years ago, not now. Cheap New York seems to have been banished. By decree.

Comment by Zen Master K on 2009-11-13 14:17:44 +0000

Your multiple personalities only run into six figures? Mine run into ten, and I thought we were ultimately supposed to be the same person! Don’t you know the first thing about yourself?

Comment by fi on 2009-11-13 14:24:12 +0000

Another excellent piece from that notorious skin-flint SH

Comment by The Real Tessie on 2009-11-13 15:26:54 +0000

He never buys me flowers, he spends all his spare cash on single malts!

Comment by Far Out Frank on 2009-11-13 16:22:40 +0000

Any drug dealer who is sensible and doesn’t dip into his sales bag can make more than enough to survive!

Comment by raymond anderson on 2009-11-13 23:01:33 +0000

you make interest on every thought anyone ever has of you
if not then you’re being done

Comment by Psychedelic Sid on 2009-11-14 00:29:47 +0000

If you’re as out of it as me then you only have partial thoughts and no one can reasonably charge you interest on those….

Comment by Screamin' Rachael on 2009-11-14 01:29:04 +0000

If you like house music then you’ll love the life-styles of the rich and famous!

Comment by One-Skein Wonder on 2009-11-14 02:06:07 +0000

You don’t blog enough about knitting…. we need more knitting and less of this egotistical stuff.

Comment by Howling Wizard, Shrieking Toad on 2009-11-14 07:29:17 +0000

Ask Johnny Moped.

Comment by Howling Wizard, Shrieking Toad on 2009-11-14 08:11:37 +0000

Johnny Moped in 1974 —

Comment by The Fat Man on 2009-11-14 20:57:34 +0000

He’s made a pact with the devil… I bought a horse from him and he told me not to ride it into the river, so I rode it into the river and it turned into a bundle of straw!

Comment by Christopher Nosnibor on 2009-11-14 21:32:10 +0000

Hey, the knitting pattern revolution starts here!
And of course, one vital stage in maintaining a lavish lifestyle is to falsify your credit rating – and then publish a pamphlet that has nothing to do with giving directions on the easy way to falsify your credit rating but instead contains some hot communist propaganda, laughing all the way to the offy (but not Thresher’s) for a bottle of Spingbank with the proceeds. Well, so I’ve heard…

Comment by This Is Not Lord Black of Crossharbour (Isle of Dogs) on 2009-11-15 00:13:34 +0000

Any fool can tell you that you don’t have to be a billionaire to live like a billionaire; but you gotta have a lot of brains and front to live a life-style you seriously can’t afford!

Comment by Little Onion on 2009-11-15 09:34:46 +0000

autumn rain not knitting but macrame

Comment by Christopher Nosnibor on 2009-11-15 15:09:34 +0000

Belle de Jour not Stewart Home shocker!

Comment by oldrope on 2009-11-18 17:15:14 +0000

I just took out a bank loan and re-bought your books. I must have read them ‘wrong’ last time, since I am none the wiser, and thought I better have a clean break and try again.
But when I showered this morning I lost £3.76 in loose change, largely owing to the fact that I was not wearing my trousers and the cheap-assed rent boy who’d spent the night filched it out of my slacks pockets then scarpered!!!
Note to all readers: Always wear your pantaloons in the shower!
Note to all rent boys: Cross me and I shall forward your details to the relevant regulatory authority, BBC’s Watchdog and your Pimp.

Comment by oldrope on 2009-11-18 17:16:37 +0000

Stewart Home IS Belle de Jour shocker!–119555952843195000.jpg

Comment by Christopher Nosnibor on 2009-11-18 18:58:20 +0000

At least he only filched the cash from your trews….

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