London is preparing to go into lock down amid fears of cop violence directed against anyone who dares to make use of those public spaces the authorities have designated as no go zones for the duration of the G20 summit. This doesn’t just effect people who wish to engage in peaceful protest, it also impacts on anyone who wants to nip out and buy a tin of baked beans or visit a doctor. The Corporation of London has issued a letter to local residents advising them to stay away from the area around the Bank of England on 1 April. However, within this missive its “Safer City Partnership” offers no advice on what to do should you, for example, need to acquire food from the Cheapside Tesco on that day.
One group on Facebook is calling itself “Dress Like a Banker on April 1” and is based on the following logic: “Bankers have been told to dress down to avoid being attacked by rioters but this scenario is just a police fantasy; if we all wear suits then maybe the cops will victimise the bozos they’re there to defend…. Forget that old slogan ‘help the police, beat yourself up’, instead let’s don our best clothes and enjoy the spectacle of the old bill beating up bankers who dress down for work on 1 April. Those financiers who don grunge disguises will no doubt be mistaken for ‘rioters’ by plod and suffer savage attacks!”
The authorities are predicting violence in London on 1 April because this is what they want. However, there is no guarantee that once they wade in against peaceful demonstrators and casual passers-by they will be able to control the situation. It is well known that the old bill likes to brutalise passive members of the public; therefore if you are the victim of an unprovoked attack by the cops, defending yourself vigorously will minimise your chances of being killed, injured and/or arrested. And just in case Billy Bragg attempts to ape the role of John Wilkes outside the Bank of England in 1780, don’t forget to wear a bullet proof vest!
And while you’re at it don’t forget to check – www.stewarthomesociety.org – you know it makes (no) sense!
Comment by K Mail on 2009-03-29 19:32:05 +0000
Violence? Did anybody mention violence?
Comment by Jimmy Cliff on 2009-03-29 21:18:41 +0000
That would look like the best video Talking Heads never made!– maybe Slippery People: ‘people on their way to work said, ‘baby, what did you expect? Gonna burst into flames!”
Comment by The Fake Madonna on 2009-03-29 21:32:24 +0000
I’m gonna dress up as a granny
Comment by K Mail on 2009-03-29 21:40:11 +0000
I’m gonna be dressd as Widow Twanky because even cops love a good panto. Of course, I’m prepared to negotiate the length of my skirt based upon any ideological objections.
And BTW. That previous K Mail post was from a clone, and all three on the previous blog were fakes, the last two of which pointed out the previous ones were fakes too. But this is the original and best K Mail, accept no substitutes!
Comment by David Gell on 2009-03-29 23:46:32 +0000
For this post to really hold my attention you’d need to focus more on the love for sale girls and less on the cops who exploit them.
Comment by Andy Pandy on 2009-03-29 23:58:04 +0000
You can’t trust a City of London copper!
Comment by I Was Eddie Grant’s Double on 2009-03-30 00:17:57 +0000
Every day now, police on my back!
Comment by Timothy Leary on 2009-03-30 00:46:24 +0000
I heard a scurrilous rumour that the KLF had got back together in order to infiltrate the water cooler industry and spike the lot with LSD in time for April Fools day!
Turn off, tune out and drop in!
Comment by Michael Roth on 2009-03-30 00:58:12 +0000
Dress like a banker! I thought April 1 was go to work naked day. Boy, I would have looked foolish!
Comment by mistertrippy on 2009-03-30 10:25:37 +0000
Maybe dressing down like a naked banker is the answer!
Comment by K Mail on 2009-03-30 12:34:08 +0000
Your server has really slowed down since you posted this. Can a single humour blog on this subject really make you THAT popular or is something else going on?
Comment by Joe Jones on 2009-03-30 13:06:49 +0000
Nude bankers turn me on!
Comment by John The Postman on 2009-03-30 14:35:20 +0000
What about dressing like a postman?
Comment by Mystic Lady on 2009-03-30 14:49:30 +0000
It might take a little violence, only violence ain’t our stance – Billy Idol back in the Generation X days “Your Generation”
Comment by K Mail on 2009-03-30 14:58:21 +0000
Nude Man Available
Phome 00 44 7392 73770
Comment by K Mail on 2009-03-30 15:02:07 +0000
K Mail, I dialed the above number but was connected instead to the squeaking clock. Any clues?
Comment by K Mail on 2009-03-30 15:04:06 +0000
It wasn’t me who placed that ad. It was probably Home or Michael K or one of their klones, acolytes, emulators, spoilers, doppelgangers, spivs, dandies or jockalock pimpentines
Comment by Officer Dibble on 2009-03-31 09:30:29 +0000
That ad was placed strategically by the CIA to attract ne’er-do-wells keen to get a bit of K’s nude lesbian action as he continues to expand his empire of culture groupies worldwide. What then happens is that this information is passed to me or another Hanna Barbera police officer and we undertake to truncheon these young nubiles in a manner likely to lead to an ever-growing ecstasy. It’s all part of our ‘Protect and Serve’ policy.
Comment by Christopher Nosnibor on 2009-04-04 18:33:49 +0000
…and what an anticlimax it all turned out to be eh?
And really, it’s impossible to wear a pinstripe suit and not look like a complete banker…