The Sexual Healer Tells You How To Enter the Mystic State of "Meg"

  1. Listen to all your mp3s, cds, records and tapes one after the other without a break and without sleeping. This won’t work unless you have enough music to keep you up for days on end. You may eat as you listen.
  2. Sit on a toilet for 24 hours without moving and with a pillow case over your head; don’t sleep and while you’re on the john shout the word “Ling” at least 10 times a minute. You may urinate and defecate as you do this.
  3. Stand in front of a mirror, blow a raspberry. Repeat until you attain enlightenment.
  4. Take a tube train from Morden to Camden Town, and never return.
  5. Place all your shoes in a backpack and then walk twenty miles in every pair you own, with the pack containing your other shoes on your back. You may sleep for up to six hours between each twenty mile hike and spend up to an hour eating and preparing food.
    Having completed this 5 point programme you will enter the mystic state of “Meg” and you will find your orgasms massively enhanced….
    And while you’re at it don’t forget to check – – you know it makes (no) sense!


Comment by Mystic Meg on 2009-01-25 09:31:16 +0000

Single? A wise pal is secretly matchmaking. A meeting in a street market is important. Why not call one of my psychics for a personal reading now?

Comment by Theodor W. Adorno on 2009-01-25 10:51:07 +0000

The stars look down….

Comment by Twiggy Whip on 2009-01-25 11:43:41 +0000

Dateline 11 July 2008
An Indonesian woman who was famous across Asia for her supposedly supernatural powers of sexual healing has died at the age of 128, according to her family.
ak Erot developed a family business empire offering penis extensions and cures for other sexual maladies using the power of Muslim prayer and a cocktail of 141 herbs. One of her 40 grandchildren, Haji Saifuloh, 37, explained that the secret was revealed when Mak Erot prayed for 141 days following the death of her mother in the 1940s.
“Her prayer was answered with this gift of sexual healing,” he said. A voice from the spirit world told his grandmother, “You can cure anyone who has a small penis or whose penis has died. You can cure them!”
Her early patients were occupying Japanese soldiers during the Second World War and the first clinic opened in 1945. The enterprise grew as dramatically as Mak Erot claimed her patients did.

Comment by Michael K on 2009-01-25 11:49:37 +0000

Sex should be fun, enjoyable, magical, and available for all to have without fear or pressure.
PS. Ostensibly, like Monty Cantsin, Karen Eliot and Luther Blissett, Michael K. is a pseudonym that anyone is welcome to use for an artistic endeavour. The use of the ‘multiple name'(collective pseudonym) is a situationist inspired antic which has also been practised by the Mail Art community and Neoist conceptual artist and author Stewart Home. Monty Cantsin is a multiple identity that anyone can adopt, but has close ties to Neoism. … Karen Eliot is a multiple identity, a nom de plume that anyone is welcome to use for activist and artistic endeavour. … Luther Blissett is a multiple identity, a nom de plume that anyone is welcome to use for activist and artistic endeavour. … The Situationist International (SI), an international political and artistic movement, originated in the Italian village of Cosio dArroscia on 28 July 1957 with the fusion of several extremely small artistic tendencies: the Lettrist International, the International movement for an imaginist Bauhaus, and the London Psychogeographical Association. … Mail art is art which uses the postal system as a medium. … Street action at the 6th Neoist Apartment Festival in Montreal, 1983 Neoism refers both to a specific subcultural network of artistic performance and media experimentalists and more generally to a practical underground philosophy. … Stewart Home (born 1962) – Otherwise known as Lachlan Kuhn – is a British fiction writer, subcultural pamphleteer, underground art historian, and activist.
However, the ‘Michael K’ identity is enigmatic even in the context of ‘multiple name’ projects and appears to depart from the aspect, shared by the other projects, of collective anonymity, by having an original figure who is identifiable as ‘Michael K’ and the initiator of the project. This Michael K has had publicity connections with The KLF, first appearing within their mythos in connection with The White Room movie. K is associated with X$X, a concept whose possible categorisation seems to shift periodically across musical, literary, artistic and philosophical terrains. KLFs Pyramid Blaster The KLF (Kopyright Liberation Front), more recently known as the K Foundation and 2K, also known as The Timelords, furthermore known as The JAMs, was one of the seminal bands around the time of the Acid House movement in Britain in the late 1980s and early… The White Room is the name of a 1991 worldwide No. …
A particular characteristic of ‘The Michael K Project’ seems to be an anti-commodification stance which has entailed the promotion of many potential products (books and records) which are never presented for sale. Throughout the nineties, this led to a general regard for X$X and Michael K as being a hoax. However, more recently, it has emerged that books and records have been ‘released’ in ways which circumvent the usual processes for making such things available.
In particular, K and his cohorts are known for ‘placing’ their products in particular shops in particular cities. Copies of the project’s ‘anti-novels’ such as ‘SMASH’, OEDIPUSSY’, ‘K MAIL’, ‘DIRTY’ have emerged in this way since the late nineties from placements in shops in Prague, Amsterdam, Paris and London while records attributed to X$X have been distributed to specifically targeted shops, publications and radio stations since the early nineties.
A ‘Michael K’ currently writes for the Morning Star newspaper in the UK

Comment by Marvin Gaye on 2009-01-25 11:54:45 +0000

Jail for sexual ‘healer’ Dateline: Friday, January 09, 2009
A MAN who pretended to provide healing through sexual intercourse was jailed for five years and two months yesterday.
Isikeli Naucukidi, 37, admitted tricking a Savusavu woman into having sex with him promising her it would cure her.
Magistrate Penijamini Lomaloma said Naucukidi had caused the woman to lose her self respect and become the laughing stock of the village.
“The harm you have caused is great in that you have tricked a woman into having sex with you and the she would most certainly feel violated, fell betrayed and used,” Mr Lomaloma said.
“This is a clear case of having carnal knowledge of a woman with her consent but where the consent was obtained by means of false representation.”
Police prosecutor Viliame Sogari said on November 6, the 30-year-old victim accompanied her niece to the shop at Naqere where she met Naucukidi who introduced himself as a masseur and herbalist who could cure her.
He then followed her home and also told the victim’s husband he could cure them both of their sickness.
As part of the treatment he instructed the couple to mix a bowl of yaqona which he drank before telling the victim’s husband that he would massage the wife outside the house.
He ordered the woman to remove her clothes and instructed her to have sex with him as part of the ritual of healing.
The victim related the incident to her best friend the next day and was advised to report the matter to police.

Comment by Porno Films 4 U on 2009-01-25 11:57:02 +0000

Sexual Healer (1991) directed by Aja. With Kelly Blue, Mel Bourne, Sheila Kelly.

Comment by All Pilled Up on 2009-01-25 12:42:54 +0000

Forget Viagra, a handful of purple hearts will do the trick. And just in case you don’t know, Dexamyl is the brand name for purple hearts, they are a delightful mixture of dexedrine and amobarbital.

Comment by Vivian Kilbride on 2009-01-25 16:08:52 +0000

It’s so real it’s untrue! It’s so true it’s unreal!

Comment by Vivian Kilbride on 2009-01-25 16:10:15 +0000

Tell me what you want and I’ll give you what you need. Tell me what you need and etc.

Comment by Natural Mystic Odor on 2009-01-25 23:47:33 +0000

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Comment by The Raspberry Mirror on 2009-01-25 23:51:23 +0000

1 package white cake mix
1 1/4 cups water
1/4 cup oil
3 egg whites
1/3 cup seedless raspberry preserves
1/2 cup shortening
1/2 cup unsalted butter, softened
4 cups powdered sugar
2-3 tablespoons kirsch
2/3 cup raspberry-cranberry frozen juice concentrate, thawed
4 teaspoons cornstarch
1 cup fresh raspberries, for decoration
mint sprigs, for decoration

  1. Preheat oven to 350.
  2. Grease and flour two 9 or 8″ round cake pans.
  3. In bowl combine cake mix, water, oil, and egg whites and beat on low speed until moistened.
  4. Beat 2 minutes at medium speed and pour into greased and floured pans.
  5. Bake at 350 for 25-40 minutes or until cake springs back when touched lightly in center.
  6. Cool in pans on wire racks 15 minutes.
  7. Remove from pans and cool 30 minutes or until all the way cooled.
  8. Stir raspberry preserves until smooth; cover and set aside.
  9. Meanwhile in large bowl, combine shortening and butter; beat on medium speed until creamy.
  10. Add powdered sugar and beat until smooth.
  11. Beat in 2 Tbsp.
  12. Kirsch, and additional Kirsch if necessary for soft spreading consistency.
  13. To assembles the cake, trim cake layers to even off and place 1 cake layer trimmed side down on serving plate.
  14. Spread with 1/2 cup frosting.
  15. Spread evenly with raspberry preserves.
  16. Top with remaining cake layer, trimmed side down.
  17. Spread top with 1/2 cup frosting smoothing top to form flat surface.
  18. Reserve another 1/2 cup frosting for piping.
  19. Spread sides with remaining frosting.
  20. Place reserved frosting in small decorating bag fitted with small star tip.
  21. Pipe decorative edge around top and bottom edge of the cake.
  22. In a small saucepan combine juice concentrate and cornstarch.
  23. Over medium to low heat bring to a boil, stirring constantly until thickened.
  24. Remove from heat.
  25. Cool 10 minutes or until thickened mixture is room temperature.
  26. Spoon on top of the cake and spread to piped edges of frosting.
  27. Before serving arrange some raspberries around top edge of the cake and garnish with mit sprigs.

Comment by Sleep Deprivation Commando on 2009-01-25 23:55:25 +0000

Sleep Deprivation encourages the development of revolutionary subjectivity. Not enough people experience the type of sleep loss that leads them to question their own sanity for not protesting against an insane system. Wake up the sleepwalkers – MAKE SOME NOISE!!!

Comment by Groovy London Welsh Geezer on 2009-01-25 23:58:47 +0000

Morden is a district in the London Borough of Merton. It is located approximately 10 miles (16 km) South-southwest of central London between Merton Park (to the north), Mitcham (to the east), Sutton (to the south) and Worcester Park (to the west). Morden might get its name either from the Brythonic (Old Welsh) words Mawr (great or large) and Dun (a fort), or possibly “The Town on the Moor”.

Comment by Crossing Border To Sell Blood on 2009-01-26 00:04:25 +0000

Olga García, 33, is one of hundreds of Mexicans who cross the border into the United States to donate their blood in exchange for a few dollars.
Working eight hour days in the textile factories of Piedras Negras, Coahuila, García earns 620 pesos per week, the equivalent of $56.
olga garciaBut as a plasma donor she gets $70 weekly. For a year, García went twice each week to the BioLife Plasma Services laboratories, located some two miles from the international Eagle Pass Bridge, and sold 1.76 liters of her blood. With that money, García paid the mortgage on her house, as well as electricity and phone bills.
BioLife, together with Talecris Plasma Resources and Biomat USA, which is owned by Spanish company Grifols, have established themselves in the main Texas border cities. They capture the blood of low-income Mexicans with visas who can cross legally into the United States.
“At times, I did not have enough money to buy shoes for my son,” García said. “So I went to BioLife, and with that money I bought them.”

Comment by Bubble Detector on 2009-01-26 02:15:55 +0000

And he said “You’re not as smart as Stewart, but you’re the only girl in town”

Comment by mistertrippy on 2009-01-26 10:23:20 +0000

And I said: “But don’t worry honey, if I put on a dress you won’t know the difference….”

Comment by Bubble Detector on 2009-01-27 01:03:07 +0000

Meg! Meg! Meg! Meg! Meg! Meg! Meg! Meg! Meg! Meg! Meg! Meg! Meg! Meg! Meg!

Comment by mistertrippy on 2009-01-27 09:33:37 +0000

To attain enlightenment now chant it backwards in the street for 12 hours while waving a copy of Tainted Love at anyone who comes within a hundred yards of where you’re standing: Gem! Gem! Gem! Gem! Gem! Gem! Gem! Gem! Gem! Gem! Gem! Gem! Gem! Gem! Gem! Gem! Gem! Gem!

Comment by Christopher Nosnibor on 2009-01-28 12:45:05 +0000

I’ll have died of old age before I get halfway through #1!

Comment by mistertrippy on 2009-01-28 22:49:42 +0000

Check my reply to your Van Sant comment, me too…..

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