This movie is what in Hollywood jargon is called “high concept’. That means it can be pitched in two words – in this case ‘zombie strippers’. That’s pretty much all you’d need to know before investing in it if you were a producer. And yeah, I came late to this flick which was theatrically released in the US last summer. But why rush when you know what you’re gonna get? In this instance former porn star Jenna Jameson in the lead role as Kat, a stripper who gets bitten to death by a zombie while doing a pole dance and is soon reanimated as one of the living dead. Kat is the club’s most popular stripper, and the johns who throw money at her while she gets her kit off, go for her zombie sex shows even more than the act she had when she was still alive. In an attempt to compete with Kat, many of the junior strippers deliberately infect themselves with the zombie virus in order to beef up their own bump ‘n’ grind routines. Despite the heavy metal on the soundtrack, everything is kinda rockin’ at the strip joint until the US army (this is a low budget movie so that means around a half dozen soldiers) invade it and destroy the ever growing ranks of the morti viventi. That’s it, fade to credits….
Jameson’s dance moves are pretty hot; but unfortunately she’s completely overdone it on the plastic surgery front, and in the process transformed herself into the Michael Jackson of post-porn burn out. She just doesn’t cut it as a scream queen. Jameson lacks the truly Amazonian stature of a great B-movie star like Lana Clarkson in “Barbarian Queen”, or more recently Shelley Michelle in “Galaxy Hunter”. One of the major selling points of movies like “Zombie Strippers” is the physical attractiveness of the leads. Personally, I just don’t go for actresses like Jameson, who might as well forget make-up and instead employ a can of Mr. Sheen to ‘clean, wax and polish’ her over-upholstered face. While Jameson’s acting is better than anyone might reasonably expect, given that softcore horror comedies don’t require fully developed thespian skills, this doesn’t exactly compensate for her plastic looks. Moving on to other members of the cast, Carmit Levité’s fake eastern European accent is so gratingly bad that she should be whipped with wet lettuce and then incarcerated in a dungeon to prevent her from ever appearing in a movie again. Oh and before I forget, Robert Englund – of Freddy Krueger “Nightmare On Elm Street” fame – plays the owner of the strip club (but then why would you be interested in that?).
The “Zombie Strippers” script and dialogue are terrible, and reveal writer/director Jay Lee to be a pretentious bore. Not only are there lots of inept references to famous philosophers and the theatre of the absurd, they also feature an anti-Republican political allegory that is laid on with a trowel (and is obsolete to boot now that Obama has ascended to power). Poor lighting and camerawork result in the film looking like shit, and the overall aesthetic is Gothic rather than trash (and my taste is for the latter NOT the former). I love dumb zombie movies but this one bored me. If you wanna see a cool and recently made undead flick then go check “Zombies! Zombies! Zombies!” – which features zombie hookers battling still living strippers, and is a trillion times better than Jay Lee’s failed effort.
And while you’re at it don’t forget to check – http://www.stewarthomesociety.org/ – you know it makes (no) sense!
Comment by Tito “Toots” Ortiz on 2009-01-16 14:36:34 +0000
Listen dude, you wouldn’t say no if Jenna asked you out on a date, but she ain’t gonna ask you… ha ha ha ha ha!
Comment by Light Fingered Larry on 2009-01-16 14:55:37 +0000
Watch out Toots! If Trippy accepted a date with Jenna it wouldn’t be her honour he was after… He’d make off with her credit cards and other valuables and possibly without so much as giving her a glimpse of his family jewels (although I’ve heard he likes intelligent women so maybe he wouldn’t be quite such a cad on that score)….
Comment by Michael K on 2009-01-16 15:26:41 +0000
And I might add that the fact that this occured because of the time difference between where I am in the USA and where my ex-wife (who I’ve never met) is in the UK (erm…I think she’s in the UK) is another argument for abandoning the state-sponsored mind-control which demands that we accede to this ‘false-time’ systemology.
One of President Obama’s first duties in office should be to institute by force of military intervention, a standardisation of time-zones across the globe. This will, of course mean that when you wake up in the UK the day after this has occured, it will be time to go home from work before you’ve left for work. Which is, of course, one of the sweeteners on the deal.
Time is, was and shall be no more!!
Comment by Michael K on 2009-01-16 15:31:14 +0000
And thirdly..the fact that a talk-page on a non-existent article about me on Wikipedia has now been deleted means that there’s a record of a non-existent talk page about a non-existent article accessible by clicking on my name.
I am a zombie and you will be assimilated.
Comment by Díre McCain on 2009-01-16 20:04:03 +0000
Nach dem Zusammenstoss wurde ein Grossaufnahme gemacht…
Comment by The Man On The Clapham Omnibus on 2009-01-16 20:51:03 +0000
An infection that enters the brain through the viewing of softcore horror comedies and from tthere into male fun sticks and stinky butts is posing a growing threat to fans of Jenna “The Enema” Jameson. The malicious disease, known as Cornballer, Rim Job or Anal Probe, was first discovered in October 2008 and is believed to have originated in a marketing scam gone wrong designed to promote the film Zombie Cocksuckers…..
Comment by Plastic Yeti on 2009-01-16 21:01:55 +0000
I LOVE JENNA!!!! SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!!! PLASTIC ROCKS DON’T KILL YOUR BRAIN LIKE CRACK DOES!!!!
Comment by marmitelover on 2009-01-16 23:17:42 +0000
So who do you fancy then, looks wise, celebrities we might have heard of?
Comment by Michael K on 2009-01-17 01:09:40 +0000
I am a zombie
Comment by mistertrippy on 2009-01-17 01:28:40 +0000
If modernism is dead (and it is) then we are all post-modern zombies! Oh and Pamela Anderson is the only over plasticised celebrity who still looks stunning… and she cares about animals too!
Comment by Michael Roth on 2009-01-17 07:14:37 +0000
And Pamela is Canadian, too.
Comment by mistertrippy on 2009-01-17 11:14:51 +0000
Canadians are sexy! As long as they ain’t Janet ‘n’ George….
Comment by Lana Clarkson on 2009-01-17 11:45:36 +0000
Honey, I’m home!
Comment by Phil “Gun Nut” Spector on 2009-01-17 11:50:53 +0000
See that’s what I told her when we left the House of Blues, stick with me baby and before you know it you’ll be back with a bang! See her career was on the skids until I, erm, I mean she shot herself… look at that revival of interest in her b-movies since then. Stick with me kids, my showbiz career advice is the best and I make great records!
Comment by The Undead Jay Lee on 2009-01-17 12:44:30 +0000
Pretentious, moi? Let me derail this thread….
Comment by Michael K on 2009-01-17 14:28:34 +0000
It’s CA$H I want because I’m a breadhead deadhead zombie. Send it today!!!
Comment by michael Roth on 2009-01-17 16:11:17 +0000
The cheque is in the mail. A nice gentleman from my Nigerian bank said he would send one out for me.
Comment by Díre McCain on 2009-01-17 20:52:40 +0000
And speaking of Canadian Zombies (as in weirdos) Michael (R not K) have you bumped into Opera Man lately? Now HE gives new meaning to the term SEXY! Rrrrrrrrrrr…
Comment by Díre McCain on 2009-01-17 20:53:52 +0000
Your comment is awaiting moderation.
Comment by Cesar J. Romero on 2009-01-18 01:04:00 +0000
I must protest against your vile insinuation that I have anything to do with zombie movies such as “Night of the Living Dead” and “Dawn of the Dead”, I am a talented thespian well known for my appearances on the Batman TV show!
Comment by mistertrippy on 2009-01-18 03:44:43 +0000
Did somebody mention George A. Romero??? Did anybody mention sexual violence or violent sex???
Comment by Paul McCartney on 2009-01-19 02:07:39 +0000
I was an assessor, they’re called. In St. Joan by Bernard Shaw. And all the big parts were like, proper kids who could act. And there’s about 20 of us who just shuffled on mumbling and agreeing or disagreeing with the judge in the court scene.
Comment by mistertrippy on 2009-01-19 10:38:18 +0000
Comment by Mad Girl on 2009-03-04 08:24:01 +0000